Hey Gurl...whatchu you dooooooin'

When I was 16 years old I decided that it would be in my best interest to scour the internet to locate the best pickup lines. And by best of course I mean the worst. I found such Gems as "Your eyes are like diamonds, and diamonds are expensive and so are eye replacements. And baby...you need eye replacements." That was probably one of the tamer ones which should tell you how good my chances with these were.

At 10 am on a Saturday I did what any good teenager would do with a full day of nothing to do. I made a sandwich, packed all fifteen pages of pickup lines I found, and got in my car to go to the mall.

Now the mall was about twenty minutes away so I had plenty of time to think about a game plan. Two main issues with my quest. One, I needed to make sure that no one called mall security and I got kicked out before enough research had been completed. Two, I needed to have a good web laid out to really get things moving, I couldn't waste time picking up ladies in the cinnabun line, even though those gooey buns called to me like sirens to wayward sailors only to dash them on the rocks of obesity.

The main event went as smoothly as one could hope. A few chuckles here, a slap or two there, and before you knew it fifteen pages and four hours of my life had blown by.

I was single when I went to the mall and I came out just as single...but I did learn a very good lesson. When you're bored and you think that it'd be really great to waste time by hitting on random women at a mall in a town outside of Milwaukee Wisconsin...do it.

There is literally nothing wrong with it.